Grateful For Every Part
As I sat in yoga this morning, body twisted to the right in half lord of the fishes pose I couldn't help but cast a glance into the mirror and see a few soft, smooth rolls of tummy. Now I know that if I turn my body this way this is the sight I will be greeted with. This fat keeps me alive, it keeps me warm, allows me to invert, float around on my hands and makes up part of this body I inhabit. But I pondered on the rolls for a moment, 'maybe I should 'tone' my stomach more, maybe I should eat less chocolate, perhaps my tummy would look better if there was a little less of it'. You know the kind of thoughts that from time to time pop into your mind? A lot can go round in your head in just a few breaths....But thinking these thoughts left a kind of bitter taste in my mouth. Here I am enjoying my practice, achy back crying out for an upper body twist, and where is my head? Bang smack in 'this could be better'. Now I don't often think like this. I'm usually fairly content with my body. But just because I'm usually content doesn't mean these thoughts don't creep in.
Recently during a conversation with someone they pointed out that I've likely never had an issue with having to lose weight, I believe this comment was based on solely my appearance as we'd just met. I found it interesting because whilst that in its plain terms might be 'kind of' true I have endured being totally trapped in my head, engulfed with mind bedlam from binge eating through to anorexia. I used to feel such a sense of self hatred and disappointment with my physical form. That's the thing, body image issues/confidence/niggles don't have a size, nor do eating disorders. They can affect anyone, any size, at any time.
After the class I realised If I'm feeling like this then probably others are too. So why not share it and talk about it? I asked Abi to take a picture for me In said pose, looked at it and thought 'Alice, you are fine just as you are'. Who cares if you're stomach quite perfect. What is perfection anyway? Who makes the ideals? Who cares if you enjoy a dairy milk? I bloody love a dairy milk thanks. The only person who cares is me and I have the ability to rise above my limiting thoughts of 'this could be improved' and be grateful for this strong, quite often soft, and able body.